who could care less about Valentine's Day.Īnd we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have to spend it with some dippy guy carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. Case in point: I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work. Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day.īarney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day.Which we do not. Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. Now, there's only one thing you can't do. A magical night, when a 10 has the self esteem of a 4, and the depraved enthusiasm of a 2. That neediness reaches its climax - what up - on February 13th. And I thought Pompeii was smoking.Įvery woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried. Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.Īnd right by St. Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day. the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching. Well, I guess it's a lucky thing I ran into you guys.Īnd kids, "lucky" doesn't even begin to describe it, because if Robin and Barney had taken my stupid advice and hired a DJ, I never would have met your mother. You, my friend, are gonna save that wedding.Īll right, all right, all right. They had a gig lined up for this weekend, but it just fell through this morning. No, she's not just a bass player, she's a bass player in the best wedding band in the Tri-state area. Anyways, you guys wouldn't happen to know of any good wedding bands available at the last minute, would you? He says to the lesbian he dated for a month. When will people realize I always know what's what? That's right, the band cancelled at the last minute, just like I said they would. I made a pretty strong case that night, but in the end, she didn't want a DJ, she wanted a band. I have to be a mom to a beautiful, wonderful, if slightly constipated little boy, and you have to let Robin and Barney get a band. I think we just have to accept our lots in life, and. Have you talked to Robin about how you feel? Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel? I-I spend the whole day taking care of kids in my job, and I come home, and it's more of the same, and it's just. and now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush. But you remember when I wanted to be an artist? Art was my whole life, and. I mean, I love being a mom, I-I love Marvin so much. Robin shouldn't be with Barney, she should be with me. Sometimes I wanna pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back. So I'm gonna give you an out.īy saying something that is even more awful. Because if you said anything to the contrary, well, then that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. And she's getting here as fast as she can. I know that you are tired of waiting, and you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way, Ted. So this cop gets out of his car and he kinda swaggers all over and he's all, like: "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." So I looked up at him and I said: "I'm so sorry, officer. I was heading upstate to my parents' house and was doing, like, 90 on this country road and got pulled over. You know that once I talked my way out of a speeding ticket? And that is all I'm going to say on that subject. I keep waiting for it to happen, I wait for it to happen and. What I thought for a second you and I had. Okay, I'm gonna say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job not saying out loud lately. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fuuuuuuun! Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip. I DON'T KNOW WHY I TURNED ON THE RADIO! We're gonna die, tell me what to do Ted!īe serious! Stop, drop and roll? Just tell me what to do. Ignore the old lady on the Rascal this isn't a race.Ĭrap! Whaddo I do? Tell me what to do, Ted. God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |